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San Miguel de Allende is in Mexico. Many residents of this town don’t realize that. They see Texas license plates, buy a local newspaper in English, see Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts and Subway and soon WalMart and assume they are in a dirty part of the United States that has no minimum wages.

This Invasion of American Gangs has changed San Miguel over the years. As they bought up almost all the houses in Centro and all the land with a view (LWV), this pushed Mexicans further and further away from Centro and the VIEW. But moving further didn’t give Mexicans a sense of safety because they would find members of the Cheap Gang looking for Cheaper and Cheaper Accommodation, next door. So they were forced to create Gringo Free Zones. Signs alert you when you approach one.

Tourists in SMA know nothing of this and this post is to alert them to the dangers in these Gringo Free Zones.

If you are a tourist and see this sign on the outskirts, DO NOT enter a Gringo Free Zone.

Gringo Free Zones have no lattes, no art, no wines, no maids, no dried flowers, no pretty painted houses, no one who speaks English and no cable TV. It is a scary part of Mexico and not at all like the United States. It is almost like a foreign country - so unSan Miguel. You will get no service there. So watch for the signs and KNOW.

Mexicans Find Ways to Use Gringas

Little is written or said about what Mexicans think of Gangs and Gringras. The closest analogy is the spread of milfoil or zebra mussels in North America. Once introduced they are difficult to eliminate. But the Tuesday Market has found a use for Gringas. They are a bit tough and utterly tasteless but with some salsa rojo o verde they aren’t bad.

By Jesús Ibarra

Gangs based in some neighborhoods within the city threaten public security and pose a challenge for local law enforcement.

Vandalism, street fights, throwing rocks at police cars, defacing property and consuming alcohol and drugs in the street are among the gang-related activities the local government hopes to curtail.

Many ask when did the Gangs first begin to appear in San Miguel.  Gangs can only develop when certain conditions exist.  These conditions were fostered by the work of one man Stirling Dickinson who founded San Miguel February 7, 1937. Under the cover of being an artist, it appears he became the first real estate speculator.

When Dickinson first arrived in San Miguel in 1937 he and his writing partner had purchased an old tannery on Santo Domingo on the way to the Atascadero Hotel above town for the equivalent of 90 U.S. dollars. The present property is worth in the millions of dollars.

House prices started to rise after Life Magazine wrote an article on San Miguel

A three-page spread appeared in the January 5, 1948, edition under the headline “GI Paradise: Veterans go to Mexico to study art, live cheaply and have a good time.” This was possible when apartments rented for US$10 a month, servants cost US$8 a month, rum was 65 cents a quart and cigarettes cost 10 cents a package.

Even the Counterculture - the Merry Pranksters, came to San Miguel in the 1960’s. So now San Miguel was HIP.

The  formula for making San Miguel successful and attracting the kinds of people who form gangs revolved around four things

1. Art
2. Living Cheaply
3. Having a Good Time
4. Being Hip

Once these four elements were in place then the marketing began.  Good marketing discovers the Selling Benefit of each product and touts if can do for the resident.

Art

The purpose of art is to fill walls in houses where there are lots of walls. A good rule of thumb is there can never be enough art so Art Galleries in San Miguel use as their selling benefit - Fill that Wall.  A bare wall shows an empty soul or not much money.

Here is a house in Centro. This example is just a start. There are still lots of spaces to fill.

Living Cheaply

Carol and Norma have it all on their site Falling in Loving with San Miguel.  Read their Forums for more details on living cheaply.

And the Cheap Gang have it as their mission to find more Bargains.

Having a Good Time

The local Chamber of Commerce in San Miguel has as its mission statement to create a fiesta for every day in San Miguel. Fireworks announce a new Fiesta early in the morning or late at night. In fact one local just sets off fireworks for no reason other to drive the gringos to town to find out what is going on and perhaps buy one of his tamales.

One of the most meaningful Fiestas held in January is the Blessing of the Poodles.

The Blessing of the Animals at the Oratorio in San Miguel on January 17th, the day of San Antonio Abad.

But it is just more than dogs having fun. Here is an excerpt of an article by Bill called San Miguel The Town that Parties Too Much

These are the times when the locals can dress up in drag, call themselves “Los Locos,” the crazies, and dance to their heart’s content. But the masks they wear must never reveal the face behind it, just as everyday life demands that the true soul be submerged to society’s standard. The crazies have just found a happier way of dealing with conformity

And this only the tip of the Funberg in San Miguel.

Being Hip

Gangs recognize that everyone who comes to San Miguel once overused the word Cool. So they have made being Hip is a hyponym for Living in San Miguel. The very fact you move there makes you Hip, Cool, Grovy, Deck. Join a Gang and you become a Senior Hipster. Life can’t get any better than being way cool than your grandchildren. In fact many grandparents in San Miguel ask their grandchildren to call them by their first name and on visits to San Miguel will often exchange clothing.

From a newsletter

November 25, 1999, 35 hipsters from Kerrville arrived in San Miguel de Allende to attend the International Jazz Festival. Kirpal Gordon performed the jazz invocation in poetry while Tomas Ramirez blew his horn as the Thanksgiving evening concert began. Sareda Miloscz, editor of El Independiente, gave a short lecture to the group before the show. “We have about 3500 foreigners living here, and it’s a young, creative community. We have 35 organizations dedicated to helping the local community.” After Sareda’s talk, the group hit the streets. The 18-hour bus ride from the parking lot at Schreiner University was a mere prelude to the journey ahead, one that lasted until Sunday, November 28.

Ranging from 10 years old to 82, the crew of road warriors took advantage of every opportunity this artist colony had to offer. Each night the tribe gathered at Teatro Angela Peralta on Mesones for an evening of jazz music.

Who doesn’t want to hang out with a Hip 82 year old, with a facelift and wearing her granddaughters outfits?

San Miguel would be truly Heaven if everyone spoke English. Then it would be like living in the US or Canada but on cobblestone streets and having help. Gangs understand the frustration faced by new members who can’t be understood but tell them soon Gangs members will outnumber the Mexicans in town in five years and be able force them to take speak English. In the meantime some members of the Doing Good Works Gang are doing their part to make San Miguel unilingual by teaching locals how to speak English.

As gap to bridge the time until English is the official language of San Miguel Gang members receive a small manual of Spanish expressions to guide them in San Miguel. It is produced in its entirety below.

MINIMAL SPANISH FOR GANGS

Gracias - means thank you. When ever someone says something to you in Spanish simply smile and reply Gracias and quickly walk away.

Si and No - Si is Yes and No is No. Depending on your mood that day, you can go through most of your day responding Si or No to anything asked you in Spanish but remember to say Gracias before you walk away.

Cuanto Cuesta plus a handheld calculator - When you find stuff you want to buy, say Cuanto cuesta and hand them your calculator. They will type in a number indicating the price of the item. But remember prices aren’t fixed in San MIguel (except for Art and Warren Hardy Language Classes) so be prepared to spend at least two more hours passing the calculator back and forth until you get that “Special Price”.

Banos - means toilets. If nature calls simply say the word banos and have a pained look on your face. Failing that go into any expensive hotel where the restrooms say Men and Women. However if the doors don’t have pictures of men and women on them but only Spanish words then I you are in for an adventure. M sometimes is where women go. But as many a gang mama has found, in San Miguel, using the wrong washroom can work to your advantage. If you are a cowboy then use this sign to guide you to cowboy things.

Finger Pointing - Just point at what you want and use your fingers or hand held calculator to tell them how many.

What to do if a Restaurant doesn’t have an English menu. This is a sign that tells you that the food won’t be like home so leave quickly but don’t forget to say in a loud voice as you go out the door “They aren’t going to get much business with that attitude.” Just so they know who runs San Miguel.

Where do they speak English

1. All Real Estate Agents speak English. If you want a guide for the day, pretend you just arrived in town and want to buy a house. Ask the agent to show you around town so you have a sense of what is there. Then ask him or her to take you to some good shops and when you are there have them help buy a few things but say they are for your house. You might have to look at houses but always say after seing it “Too small.”
2. All staff in Art galleries speak English. So if you need something, pop into a gallery, look at few pictures and say “Interesting” and then ask the staff about how you could get what you need.
3. Everyone in the Jardin speaks English so they can guide you to whatever you want to buy.
4. Go the Biblioteca. They have a program that matches you to a Spanish speaker who wants to speak English. Once matched then voila you have your own San Miguel Guide. They work for nothing and all you have to give them is a few expression in English.

Heaven appears to be wherever you buy real estate. In San Miguel the realization you are in heaven takes about one week. By the end of the first week of your visit to San Miguel you have bought real estate.

Why does it only take a week San Miguel to know you are in Heaven. The answer is obvious - The Gangs. They only need a weak (sic) or a pair of Combat Cocktail Sandals or a Good Deed or a Guidebook to convince TOURISTS they are in Heaven and get them into a Bienes Raices. It is sort of like the Moonies used to be.

But there are competing heavens in Mexico - Pátzcuaro, Mazatlan, Ajijic, Corazon de Durazno, Morelia , anywhere in Michoacan, Chapala Tzurumutaro (only 4 gringos), Zirahuen, Erongaricuaro Merida, the whole Yucatan, even Belize (outside of Mexico) AND (the list of Heavens will grow). In fact many of the competing heavens believe that San Miguel is Hell. “I wouldn’t want to live THERE. It isn’t authentic enough for me.”

So you can divide Mexico into two Heavens camps - San Miguel de Allende and All Places That Aren’t San MIguel de Allende. The logic changes depending where you have bought real estate. If you live in Pátzcuaro then the world is Pátzcuaro and All Places That Aren’t Pátzcuaro. It is a bit like home teams e.g. Boston and the Red Sox.

So does it take longer than a week to find Heaven in Pátzcuaro or Mazatlan? For those of you outside of Heaven please leave a comment to tell us about Heaven where you live.

However there is envy in All Places That Aren’t San MIguel de Allende that it only takes a week for people to buy a house and hence raise the value of your own property. Many in those places do not talk kindly of San Miquel de Allende. Perhaps they don’t have Gangs or the Gangs are not as well organized or they have found another purpose for their lives.

Everyone in San Miguel carries a bag – gang member and nogangos. Nogangos is the name gang members have given to anyone not in a gang. If you aren’t wearing a household item or aren’t in a man gang you are a nogangos. Bags are the one thing that bring people together in San Miguel. They are not signs of gangs but signs that we have lots of art and Mexican stuff to buy in San Miguel. If you are sitting in the Jardin ask people if you can look through their bag. In fact most people will let your rummage without even having to ask. When you find art or Mexican stuff, hold it up and say
”Tell me where you got this?” Everyone who has been in San Miguel for more than one day will have a recommendation of where to find something “Fabulous”. But when you hear people’s voices drop and say the words “Fabrica Aurora” then you have found someone who is a “True Patron of the Arts”. These are the holy people of San Miguel.

No one goes out without a bag in case they find some art. So Bags are sold everywhere in San MIguel.