This gang answers the question often asked in Mexico “Who would buy that?”

Everyone who comes to Mexico started off as a Tourist and Tourists make mistakes. The most common mistake is buying something in Mexico, taking it home, sobering up, realizing it looked quite different in Mexico and unloading it at a garage sale. When they return to Mexico and in particular to San Miguel and the AWAKENING occurs they know they will never make that mistake again or ever become “The Person who Bought That”.

But the AWAKENING is not the same for all who come to San Miguel. For some strange reason, it is not Guidebooks nor Lost and Found in San Miguel that causes the AWAKENING but the Power Parrot

For some, once they purchase this cute little parrot and give it cute little Mexican name the AWAKENING occurs. They realize not only can they own a house, but they can now decorate their complete house for under 200 pesos. This Power Parrot will lead them to discover others. This Gang forms not in El Jardin but in the Tourist Shops of San Miguel. They know when they see a Tourist holding the POWER PARROT, and not snickering, then this Tourist is theirs. They start a conversation and suggest the Tourist buy this

Who can resist another set of Wind Chimes with a sun, moon and stars theme? There can never be enough clanging in the backyard. With purchase two, this Gang will soon have a new member.

This Gang is unlike all the other Gangs. It is completely unaware of the existence of other gangs in San Miguel. Collecting what they call Mexican Folk Art occupies their whole day. They have no time for the Jardin. They don’t read Atención because it never showcases their Art Form. One look at the prices in an Art Gallery and they know one purchase would shoot their decorating budget for ten years. They can tell at a glance the kind of person who would buy those items which no else would ever buy.

However this Gang, is known to all the other Gangs and really has two names. They call themselves the Mexican Folk Art Gang while the rest of San Miguel call them the Who’d Buy That Gang. It is considered the lowest level Gang. A favorite expression in San Miguel is “You know who would buy that?” followed by gales of laughter.

To avoid making purchases that would get you cast into the Who’d Buy That Gang, members of every other gang are given the Top Ten No Buy List. The purchase and display of any item on the list would lead to expulsion from your gang, banishment to the Mexican Folk Art Gang, and years and years of shame.

Top Ten No Buy List

So here is what must avoided.
1. Onyx Bookends in any form. These are dangerous and several have been featured as weapons on Law and Order. In fact one single, lonely male resident in San Miguel met his untimely end when the bookcase over his bed collapsed and an Aztec God Onyx bookened landed on his head. Well that is what his executrix said before she sold his art collection.

2. Aztec Calendars. Few, who display these in their house, refer to any day as the Fourth of Hueytozoztli or the Ninth of Quecholli. But turn a Mayan Calendar into a clock and you are on the list of those to shun.

3. Pre Columbian Art Reproduction. Put the words Pre and Reproduction together and this gang is on it. Pre means old and Reproduction means cheap.

4. Sequined Mexican Sombreros. Art is great art when it can serve two functions - Wall Filler and Party Clothes. Imagine being able to take something off the wall, put it on your head and go to a Fiesta. This gang calls this Functional Art. The rest of San Miguel calls it Avoidance Art.

5. Talavera Everything. The source of Talavera Pottery is Dolores Hildago. Its proximity to San Miguel means the ability to fill a house at discount prices. But Talavera is addictive. It starts with a small serving dish, then larger bowls, then a complete dinner serrvice, and then the Talavera Sink. Several gang members have been forced by their spouses to join the Talavera Recovery Group following the purchase of the following item and spousal refusal to do any business in it.

6. The Problematic Frida Kahlo. There is a fine line between Frida the Icon of Feminists and Frida the Elvis of Mexico. Drawing that line is impossible for this gang. Anything with Frida on it is golden. But be warned if you see this bamboo curtain covering a door. Open the curtain and you know that you will soon be entering Decorating Hell.

7. Sun, Moon and Eclipse These Gangs live in a land of many moons and suns.

8. The Circle of Friends. The concept is good but when you see it holding a channel changer you know whose house you are in.

9 . Rustic, rustic, rustic. It’s a look…if you own a ranch numbering more that 40 hectares, you cannot call yourself both cosmopolitan and describe every piece of furniture in your casa as “rustic”. If the majority of your furniture is worm eaten, the doors won’t shut, and wobbles, some editing is required. Sure, it is (VERY) exciting buying a 12 drawer dresser for $299 US, but will the drawers shut? Ever?

10. Corn Husk and Paper Flowers in every available vase. Real flowers are expensive and die. But these are cheap and last forever. Imagine the joy of finding some, discarded after a party among the empty wine bottles and half eaten canapes.

Credits:
Deb Hall of Zocalo Folk Art in San Miguel was kind enough to provide me all the ideas and sources for this post. She must be congratulated for creating this definitive list to help anyone in San Miguel avoid being considered part of the Mexican Folk Art Gang. As an exclusive, I was able to get a picture of her house and this comment

And here’s a photo of our house. I may be the WORST offender of all.

A member of the Spiritual Gang has been dispatched to Deb’s house.

This gang is beloved by children. It is based on the popular children’s book Where’s Waldo. Each member tries to put on as many different household items as they can find in the house before coming to the Jardin plus a dishcloth.

When parents see them arrive in the Jardin, they say to their children “Where’s the dishcloth”. Children will run up to the Waldoette. She will pirouette as many times as the child asks while the child searches for the dishcloth.

If they find the dishcloth the gang member will give them a Chicklet.

The Betty Complex haunts many women in San Miguel.  Women of the age that live in San Miguel are torn between honoring two icons of womanhood Betty Crocker or Betty Friedan. 

The conflict is at its greatest when faced with the loss of a man through either divorce or death.  The post on Love Slaves explains the Betty Crocker approach to capturing a new man - food and clean underwear.  For many gang members finding a man is a daily task for gangs.  They are rare and a common joke in San Miguel reveals that difficulty in finding a man. 

A woman sits in El Jardin beside a man and asks.  ”I haven’t seen you before, are you new in town?”  He answers “I just got out of prison for murdering my wife.”  “Oh”, the woman replies “So you are single.”

  A little known fact about the Gangs of San Miguel is that Rhonda McKay from the Classic Gang is responsible for photographing any new male in town and posting them on a website.  Membership in a Gang allows access to this site.  

Life for this group is an extension of life back home. 

But the group who follow Betty Friedan are quite different. These women do not need a man and in fact can be rather hostile to men. They revel in the company of women and cheer each other on as they acquire more and more man knowledge.

This group is tricky to identify.  Sometimes they are confused with lesbians but they are quite a different Gang. Sometimes they are confused with men who look like old lesbians.  As a guide  this website has posted pictures of men who look like old lesbians to help sort out who is who. 

So you must be very careful if you approach this gang as you are never sure if you are looking at a member of the Betty Friedan Gang, a lesbian or an man who looks like an old lesbian but be assured that their former womanly ways are gone.  Here comes the short hair, sensible shoes, dangly earrings, books on birds, and anything men wouldn’t like.

If you spot a group of them in a restaurant they will not be looking at any man or woman in the restaurant.  They will be busy regaling each other with independence stories and how free they now feel.  They have learned it was the men and not the bras that the needed to lose.

*Thanks to Gina for the idea.

Not only do walls have to be filled with Art but shelves need to be filled with books. The Three guidebooks that started the Awakening in San Miguel are not enough to fill a shelf.  So Gangs have created as part of Getting Fully Acted a series of books to help members delve deeper into Gang Rituals.  These books range from simple books on each Gang to explanations of Art.

These books are sold in a secret book shop on Jesus.

To see more details you must click on the picture twice. The first click brings up the picture and the second click enlarges it. When the picture is open use the sliding sidebars at the bottom and right side to reveal all the book details. You will be surprised to see all that has been written.

My Mexican Friend Jennifer Rose in a comment below has started the list of essential books for a home in Mexico. Here is the first to buy..

San Miguel de Allende is in Mexico. Many residents of this town don’t realize that. They see Texas license plates, buy a local newspaper in English, see Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts and Subway and soon WalMart and assume they are in a dirty part of the United States that has no minimum wages.

This Invasion of American Gangs has changed San Miguel over the years. As they bought up almost all the houses in Centro and all the land with a view (LWV), this pushed Mexicans further and further away from Centro and the VIEW. But moving further didn’t give Mexicans a sense of safety because they would find members of the Cheap Gang looking for Cheaper and Cheaper Accommodation, next door. So they were forced to create Gringo Free Zones. Signs alert you when you approach one.

Tourists in SMA know nothing of this and this post is to alert them to the dangers in these Gringo Free Zones.

If you are a tourist and see this sign on the outskirts, DO NOT enter a Gringo Free Zone.

Gringo Free Zones have no lattes, no art, no wines, no maids, no dried flowers, no pretty painted houses, no one who speaks English and no cable TV. It is a scary part of Mexico and not at all like the United States. It is almost like a foreign country - so unSan Miguel. You will get no service there. So watch for the signs and KNOW.

Mexicans Find Ways to Use Gringas

Little is written or said about what Mexicans think of Gangs and Gringras. The closest analogy is the spread of milfoil or zebra mussels in North America. Once introduced they are difficult to eliminate. But the Tuesday Market has found a use for Gringas. They are a bit tough and utterly tasteless but with some salsa rojo o verde they aren’t bad.

By Jesús Ibarra

Gangs based in some neighborhoods within the city threaten public security and pose a challenge for local law enforcement.

Vandalism, street fights, throwing rocks at police cars, defacing property and consuming alcohol and drugs in the street are among the gang-related activities the local government hopes to curtail.

Many ask when did the Gangs first begin to appear in San Miguel.  Gangs can only develop when certain conditions exist.  These conditions were fostered by the work of one man Stirling Dickinson who founded San Miguel February 7, 1937. Under the cover of being an artist, it appears he became the first real estate speculator.

When Dickinson first arrived in San Miguel in 1937 he and his writing partner had purchased an old tannery on Santo Domingo on the way to the Atascadero Hotel above town for the equivalent of 90 U.S. dollars. The present property is worth in the millions of dollars.

House prices started to rise after Life Magazine wrote an article on San Miguel

A three-page spread appeared in the January 5, 1948, edition under the headline “GI Paradise: Veterans go to Mexico to study art, live cheaply and have a good time.” This was possible when apartments rented for US$10 a month, servants cost US$8 a month, rum was 65 cents a quart and cigarettes cost 10 cents a package.

Even the Counterculture - the Merry Pranksters, came to San Miguel in the 1960’s. So now San Miguel was HIP.

The  formula for making San Miguel successful and attracting the kinds of people who form gangs revolved around four things

1. Art
2. Living Cheaply
3. Having a Good Time
4. Being Hip

Once these four elements were in place then the marketing began.  Good marketing discovers the Selling Benefit of each product and touts if can do for the resident.

Art

The purpose of art is to fill walls in houses where there are lots of walls. A good rule of thumb is there can never be enough art so Art Galleries in San Miguel use as their selling benefit - Fill that Wall.  A bare wall shows an empty soul or not much money.

Here is a house in Centro. This example is just a start. There are still lots of spaces to fill.

Living Cheaply

Carol and Norma have it all on their site Falling in Loving with San Miguel.  Read their Forums for more details on living cheaply.

And the Cheap Gang have it as their mission to find more Bargains.

Having a Good Time

The local Chamber of Commerce in San Miguel has as its mission statement to create a fiesta for every day in San Miguel. Fireworks announce a new Fiesta early in the morning or late at night. In fact one local just sets off fireworks for no reason other to drive the gringos to town to find out what is going on and perhaps buy one of his tamales.

One of the most meaningful Fiestas held in January is the Blessing of the Poodles.

The Blessing of the Animals at the Oratorio in San Miguel on January 17th, the day of San Antonio Abad.

But it is just more than dogs having fun. Here is an excerpt of an article by Bill called San Miguel The Town that Parties Too Much

These are the times when the locals can dress up in drag, call themselves “Los Locos,” the crazies, and dance to their heart’s content. But the masks they wear must never reveal the face behind it, just as everyday life demands that the true soul be submerged to society’s standard. The crazies have just found a happier way of dealing with conformity

And this only the tip of the Funberg in San Miguel.

Being Hip

Gangs recognize that everyone who comes to San Miguel once overused the word Cool. So they have made being Hip is a hyponym for Living in San Miguel. The very fact you move there makes you Hip, Cool, Grovy, Deck. Join a Gang and you become a Senior Hipster. Life can’t get any better than being way cool than your grandchildren. In fact many grandparents in San Miguel ask their grandchildren to call them by their first name and on visits to San Miguel will often exchange clothing.

From a newsletter

November 25, 1999, 35 hipsters from Kerrville arrived in San Miguel de Allende to attend the International Jazz Festival. Kirpal Gordon performed the jazz invocation in poetry while Tomas Ramirez blew his horn as the Thanksgiving evening concert began. Sareda Miloscz, editor of El Independiente, gave a short lecture to the group before the show. “We have about 3500 foreigners living here, and it’s a young, creative community. We have 35 organizations dedicated to helping the local community.” After Sareda’s talk, the group hit the streets. The 18-hour bus ride from the parking lot at Schreiner University was a mere prelude to the journey ahead, one that lasted until Sunday, November 28.

Ranging from 10 years old to 82, the crew of road warriors took advantage of every opportunity this artist colony had to offer. Each night the tribe gathered at Teatro Angela Peralta on Mesones for an evening of jazz music.

Who doesn’t want to hang out with a Hip 82 year old, with a facelift and wearing her granddaughters outfits?

Carlos Castenda believed that if you didn’t like your history or that it was holding you back then you should change it and make up one that would create the kind of person you want to be. This philosophy a been incorporated in San Miguel by Gangs as one of the requirements for Gang membership. Who doesn’t want to be in a gang made up of former chefs, artists and tycoons. “I was in retail” won’t get many people to join a gang but “I was a buyer” will. So the first step in joining a gang is figuring out who you use be.

The following is the story of one successful gang member and who she became.

Mary Thompson moved to San Miguel in 2001 from Fresno California, with her husband (whose name and story is irrelevant). Mary had worked in an insurance office completing forms. When she moved to San Miguel, finding a gang was difficult. Her uneventful life prevented her from joining the Spiritual Gang. So she took a few art courses and after a tumble from a hall rug, joined the Rug Gang. At her interview about her LBSMA (Life Before San Miguel) she was truthful and was told her past life wouldn’t do and to dig deep and make it more interesting. Her eureka moment came the next Friday when she was going through her recipe box. In her LBSMA, she had submitted a recipe for Tuna Caserole to her Church newsletter back home. “That makes me a reporter, she thought”. So she reinvented herself and started to write investigative REPORTS for Atención.

She now has Scrap Book of her hard hitting stories

• Finding Cheap Transportation and/or a Ride to Leon Airport
• Where to buy Poker Chips in San Miguel
• Wednesday Lunch Group meeting El Buen Cafe
• Eggs Benedict at Café Monet
• Dog Cowboy - Won’t Someone Please make Another Happy Ending for a Doggie?*
• Water That Comes in Bags
• Why Buy Starbucks when there is Cheaper Coffee
• Foster Homes for Cockapoos
• FM3, FM2 and other Stations on your Radio

Mary doesn’t like to report on anything unpleasant or Mexican. She is at every art opening with her notepad (that she made herself) and finds everything “Fabulous”.

Creating Your Past

This is an exerpt from a Gang Manual to help people invent themselves. Use it to decode people’s history.

How to find your past career.

• If you once made a tuna fish sandwich back home, then in SMA you were a souschef.
• If you once wrote something for your church bulletin back home, then in SMA you were a reporter.
• If you once used fresh thyme and/or rosemary back home, then in SMA you were a chef.
• If you have ever owned two houses (doesn’t have to be at the same time) back home, then in SMA you were a real estate mogul.
• If you ever once hand addressed Christmas card back home, then in SMA you were a calligrapher.
• If you ever once gave directions to someone on the street back home, then in SMA you were an air traffic controller.
• If you acted in any junior school play back home, then in SMA you were an actor.
• If you ever once painted an outside door back home, then in SMA you were an artists
• If you ever hemmed your husband’s pants back home then in SMA you were a designer

* for more on the story join the Civil List

This the Yin Gang to the San Miguel Yang Gangs.

While “yin” would be dark, passive, downward, cold, contracting, and weak, “yang” would be bright, active, upward, hot, expanding, and strong.

This Gang can’t exist without the Gangs of San Miguel. Its very being comes from the existence of other Gangs. As the Gangs of San Miguel were forming, there was a dark group who began to mutter among themselves. “Oh I am not like them”. They were the first to learn Spanish. They became Guides for THEM. They could translate signs, speak to contractors, tell maids to use or not use starch and understand Buenos Dias. They were the first to have Mexican friends and to read Mexican newspapers. However, they were the first expats to flee San Miguel to “more authentic’ places. They formed the I Wouldn’t Want to Live There Gang. San Miguel became a symbol of all that was wrong with Those Who Will Not Assimilate . Unlike the Spiritual Gang their truth came from a different higher power - the power of the intellect. This group reads books. One of their gods is Noam Chomsky. As they assimilated into Mexican culture, their righteousness factor grew. They had to spread the TRUTH.

This blog states the truth of Douglas Bower as quoted below

I’ve contended all along that there is a philosophy of expatriation that if one were to adhere to its principles, the average Joe or Jane American would have the least impact on the local culture when he or she moved to another country. Now, granted, I’ve been living in Mexico for only five years now and my main thesis in my diatribes has actually been evolving. But, what I’ve been after since I began writing is to find a way to communicate that historically, when Americans move to another country for whatever reason, they don’t tend to engage in cultural assimilation. I’ve postulated that the only access to culture is through language. Whatever the language of the country to which an individual moves, unless mastered with the highest possible proficiency, there can only be a very limited understanding of culture.

Because of the Yin and Yang nature of these groups, the Yang Gangs react strongly. Here is a comment from the website where Douglas made his post

Douglas Bower is well known and well-despised in SMA, GTO and elsewhere. He is so hated, he changes and abbreviates his name regularly and occassionally even uses his wife’s name.

PLEASE leave a comment and tell him where to shove it.

When most of us are actively working at fostering kindness and positve connections, this man goes around propagating hate and devisiveness. He does damage every time asks a Mexican, “Don’t you just hate GRINGOS?” “Don’t you just HATE that some of them don’t speak SPANISH?” (Nevermind that the overwhelming majority of people who live here sincerely LOVE Mexico/Mexicans/Spanish.)

His poor wife. He’s so verbose and arrogant, she must want to hang herself.

The rest of us wish he’d just shut the #@%$* up.

This epic battle of words will never end. The forces of Good and Evil will struggle forever. However, the I Assimilated Gang has basically left San Miguel although a few stalwarts still live there in the Campo. Their battle has moved from the Jardin to blogs, links, comments on blogs, lists and word of mouth.

* Editor’s note: I think the correct spelling is #@% and not to be confused with the very rude &$#@.

The most read post on this blog is San Miguel de Allende - Heaven or Hell

Often joining a Gang, wearing a rug, collecting Mexican friends,or doing a good works is not enough to banish the feeling that you are a foreigner and a long way from home. So gangs have created portals throughout San Miguel to connect gang members to home. There are many portals and each has its own name such as La Conexion, Solutions, Border Crossings .

When you enter a Portal the first thing you are given is a new address such as this

Missy Silverthorn
PMB# 223
220 N. Zapata Hwy. #11
Laredo, TX 78043

Friends back home can now write you and not have to worry about using those funny little accents ó ì etc. that distort vowels and make them seem unnatural.

Not only can you receive mail you can also send mail and not have deal with the local Post Office that is called for some strange reason Correo in San Miguel, where they don’t speak English.

Look at the joy on this woman’s face when she learns at Border Crossings that she can mail her first letter and not have to struggle in Spanish

High members of Gangs spend many evenings filling the mail boxes at the portals with letters from home so that new gang members will not feel disconnected from home.

Many portals provide internet service and phones.

But they are also places where a gang member can have mailed to them Stuff They Can’t Get Here such as Sandwich Spread and Fluffer Nutter and pickles

Portals are excellent places for Tourists to meet locals and perhaps get a pickle.

*Special Thanks to Jennifer Rose for the concept who has her own take on this activity

The John Frum Gang

The John Frum Gang, a.k.a. The Cargo Cult. Like the natives of Vanuatu, San Miguelenses gather at Solutions, La Conexion and other mail forwarding services awaiting the latest news and merchandise ordered online from the Old Country. Just as they fear entrusting their precious mail to the Mexican postal service, they are reluctant to venture out onto the local economy to explore the availability of and buy wares which can be purchased through a trusted coyote who schleps goods all the way from Texas.

When imported merchandise, stuff like white Worcestershire sauce and canned Italian tomatoes, finds its way into the local emporium, news travels fast. The appearance of Rice-a-Roni, cheddar cheese, or Hires root beer at a local store harkens like the rapture, and the natives charge into the store with the same enthusiasm that offers of free sex and drugs bore for these folks in their salad days.

There is one Gang in San Miguel that sets itself apart from all the other Gangs - The Spiritual Gang. This Gang is impossible to find because they are all about the INTERNAL and the ETERNAL. Their only markings are a pure heart and love. Every member of this gang is on his or her Personal Journey to fulfillment so there is no formal gang structure. One place to find some members of this gang is at

This organization actualizes members with courses in Fulfillment for example

NEW AGE vs OLD AGE

The Spiritual Gang is sometimes call the New Age Gang - and frighten the Old Age people and all other gangs by their obvious connection to something greater than Art and Money. Their lure is obvious.

A hug trumps fire and brimstone and coffee trumps communion wine.

Being connected to a higher power gives this group access to gang ideas that other unconnected gangs can’t get. Imagine Yoga and Spanish.

This Spiritual leader offers Full Service Spiritual Help -Yoga, Feng Shui, Vacation Rental, Tai Chi and Shopping.

And then there are the old standards

This gang is never in the Jardin. They are in a Sanctuary or in the Wilderness or on a Retreat. When they greet you (feel your energy), they will HUG you but be careful because they will use their breathing and their minds to recruit you.

Whatever they eat will be Organic and respectful of the environment.

At night if you look carefully, you can see a few of them floating over San Miguel, propelled by WHOLENESS.

One clue that a member of the Spiritual Gang is afoot and after you, is that they will be holding this book

*Special thanks to Jennifer Rose for the idea