ImageEvery day at the place I am staying,  the telephone rings and more than once.  It is rarely for me.

So I ask “Who’s calling?”.  Sometimes it is different people but often it is the same people.

I ask why do they call so often?  I am greeted by this strange look and begin to realize that calling people daily is normal not abnormal.

It hits me that I now I understand the looks and responses I get, when people ask how often I speak to my sons on the phone, and I say “Maybe once a month.”

This Gang is new to me – The Daily Telephone Gang.   It appears that each day new information or activities happen that need to be reported to a certain group.  So I began to investigate this Gang.
One day I answered the phone and the person, thinking I was a member of this gang, said

Just checking in

My god I thought, what do I say.  I looked around for a pad with a list of names where I could check her off.  I couldn’t find it.  Now what?  Why were they checking in?  Have I missed the Check In Program.  Is this some AA Program.
The next day it got worse.  Another person, thinking I was a member of the Gang, asked

What’s New?

Then I began to think that there was some series of things I did each day that I was required to report on.  I made of list of what I do on a regular basis

  • Bathing and Grooming
  • Sleeping
  • Eating
  • Making and Buying Food
  • Eating Out
  • Checking on line banking statements
  • Checking my portfolio
  • Bowel Movements (this was important to my grandmother)
  • Parties and Luncheons
  • Gossip
  • Sex is on another list

Surely people weren’t interested in my shaving routine but how I slept seemed to be something I had heard people talk about.  This list required some thought and prioritizing to know what to report first. There were also somethings I shouldn’t talk about (anything interesting I realized).  This was a whole new world of picayune details that I used to think was unimportant but obviously this Gang thought was really important.  Maybe it wasn’t just my life I had to report on but other people’s lives and News in San Miguel.  Yes the list had to contain all three elements – News of my life (the insignificant the better), News of Other People’s Lives (the juicier the better) and News Of San Miguel.

For of those new to this Gang, here is my List of News in San Miguel to report on but remember I am new to this Gang

Weather

cirrusThat is an easy one.  I remember my father owned a hardware store.  When people entered the story the greeting was always weather related. If it was raining they would say “It’s a dirty day”.   I needed some weather talk.  Did I talk about Clouds?  I remember learning about clouds in primary school.  So should I say “Looks likes Cirrus clouds”  Then what?  Do I talk about the color and shape but then I thought that is what makes then Cirrus Clouds.  I am lost.  Okay next topic.

Traffic

I heard people at a party talk about how busy the Jardin was the other day.  This was easy.  I Live Right in Centro so every day I peek around the corner to see how many people are in the Jardin and then I remembered the San Miguel Webcam.  Everyone morning and throughout the day as the calls come regularly I look at the Webcam.

Crime

robberOh I know this is a good one.  I hear lots of people talk about the latest break in or mugging.  I don’t think there are any more mugging or break ins than at home but seems to be important here.  So I decided to make up a mugging or two and a break in that involved coming through a skylight and getting trapped and added some details about the alarm system.  Good I now had something to talk about.

Restaurants

pescauThis I know is a big conversation topic.  “Where have you eaten?”  “What did you eat?”  “Did you like it?”  I have been to Pescau and had a marlin taco.  That will be my Restaurant Chatter for the Day.  I just realized that I have to get a new one each day.  This Gang is eating up my time.

Gossip

This is an easy one and all you have to do is choose an area

  • Death
  • Husband has left his wife (rarely the other way but it would be better gossip)
  • Affairs
  • Moving Away from San Miguel
  • Terrible things X said about Y
  • Decorating

I have to stop the phone just rang.