This gang is beloved by children. It is based on the popular children’s book Where’s Waldo. Each member tries to put on as many different household items as they can find in the house before coming to the Jardin plus a dishcloth.

When parents see them arrive in the Jardin, they say to their children “Where’s the dishcloth”. Children will run up to the Waldoette. She will pirouette as many times as the child asks while the child searches for the dishcloth.

If they find the dishcloth the gang member will give them a Chicklet.

The Betty Complex haunts many women in San Miguel.  Women of the age that live in San Miguel are torn between honoring two icons of womanhood Betty Crocker or Betty Friedan. 

The conflict is at its greatest when faced with the loss of a man through either divorce or death.  The post on Love Slaves explains the Betty Crocker approach to capturing a new man - food and clean underwear.  For many gang members finding a man is a daily task for gangs.  They are rare and a common joke in San Miguel reveals that difficulty in finding a man. 

A woman sits in El Jardin beside a man and asks.  ”I haven’t seen you before, are you new in town?”  He answers “I just got out of prison for murdering my wife.”  “Oh”, the woman replies “So you are single.”

  A little known fact about the Gangs of San Miguel is that Rhonda McKay from the Classic Gang is responsible for photographing any new male in town and posting them on a website.  Membership in a Gang allows access to this site.  

Life for this group is an extension of life back home. 

But the group who follow Betty Friedan are quite different. These women do not need a man and in fact can be rather hostile to men. They revel in the company of women and cheer each other on as they acquire more and more man knowledge.

This group is tricky to identify.  Sometimes they are confused with lesbians but they are quite a different Gang. Sometimes they are confused with men who look like old lesbians.  As a guide  this website has posted pictures of men who look like old lesbians to help sort out who is who. 

So you must be very careful if you approach this gang as you are never sure if you are looking at a member of the Betty Friedan Gang, a lesbian or an man who looks like an old lesbian but be assured that their former womanly ways are gone.  Here comes the short hair, sensible shoes, dangly earrings, books on birds, and anything men wouldn’t like.

If you spot a group of them in a restaurant they will not be looking at any man or woman in the restaurant.  They will be busy regaling each other with independence stories and how free they now feel.  They have learned it was the men and not the bras that the needed to lose.

*Thanks to Gina for the idea.

This the Yin Gang to the San Miguel Yang Gangs.

While “yin” would be dark, passive, downward, cold, contracting, and weak, “yang” would be bright, active, upward, hot, expanding, and strong.

This Gang can’t exist without the Gangs of San Miguel. Its very being comes from the existence of other Gangs. As the Gangs of San Miguel were forming, there was a dark group who began to mutter among themselves. “Oh I am not like them”. They were the first to learn Spanish. They became Guides for THEM. They could translate signs, speak to contractors, tell maids to use or not use starch and understand Buenos Dias. They were the first to have Mexican friends and to read Mexican newspapers. However, they were the first expats to flee San Miguel to “more authentic’ places. They formed the I Wouldn’t Want to Live There Gang. San Miguel became a symbol of all that was wrong with Those Who Will Not Assimilate . Unlike the Spiritual Gang their truth came from a different higher power - the power of the intellect. This group reads books. One of their gods is Noam Chomsky. As they assimilated into Mexican culture, their righteousness factor grew. They had to spread the TRUTH.

This blog states the truth of Douglas Bower as quoted below

I’ve contended all along that there is a philosophy of expatriation that if one were to adhere to its principles, the average Joe or Jane American would have the least impact on the local culture when he or she moved to another country. Now, granted, I’ve been living in Mexico for only five years now and my main thesis in my diatribes has actually been evolving. But, what I’ve been after since I began writing is to find a way to communicate that historically, when Americans move to another country for whatever reason, they don’t tend to engage in cultural assimilation. I’ve postulated that the only access to culture is through language. Whatever the language of the country to which an individual moves, unless mastered with the highest possible proficiency, there can only be a very limited understanding of culture.

Because of the Yin and Yang nature of these groups, the Yang Gangs react strongly. Here is a comment from the website where Douglas made his post

Douglas Bower is well known and well-despised in SMA, GTO and elsewhere. He is so hated, he changes and abbreviates his name regularly and occassionally even uses his wife’s name.

PLEASE leave a comment and tell him where to shove it.

When most of us are actively working at fostering kindness and positve connections, this man goes around propagating hate and devisiveness. He does damage every time asks a Mexican, “Don’t you just hate GRINGOS?” “Don’t you just HATE that some of them don’t speak SPANISH?” (Nevermind that the overwhelming majority of people who live here sincerely LOVE Mexico/Mexicans/Spanish.)

His poor wife. He’s so verbose and arrogant, she must want to hang herself.

The rest of us wish he’d just shut the #@%$* up.

This epic battle of words will never end. The forces of Good and Evil will struggle forever. However, the I Assimilated Gang has basically left San Miguel although a few stalwarts still live there in the Campo. Their battle has moved from the Jardin to blogs, links, comments on blogs, lists and word of mouth.

* Editor’s note: I think the correct spelling is #@% and not to be confused with the very rude &$#@.

The most read post on this blog is San Miguel de Allende - Heaven or Hell

There is one Gang in San Miguel that sets itself apart from all the other Gangs - The Spiritual Gang. This Gang is impossible to find because they are all about the INTERNAL and the ETERNAL. Their only markings are a pure heart and love. Every member of this gang is on his or her Personal Journey to fulfillment so there is no formal gang structure. One place to find some members of this gang is at

This organization actualizes members with courses in Fulfillment for example

NEW AGE vs OLD AGE

The Spiritual Gang is sometimes call the New Age Gang - and frighten the Old Age people and all other gangs by their obvious connection to something greater than Art and Money. Their lure is obvious.

A hug trumps fire and brimstone and coffee trumps communion wine.

Being connected to a higher power gives this group access to gang ideas that other unconnected gangs can’t get. Imagine Yoga and Spanish.

This Spiritual leader offers Full Service Spiritual Help -Yoga, Feng Shui, Vacation Rental, Tai Chi and Shopping.

And then there are the old standards

This gang is never in the Jardin. They are in a Sanctuary or in the Wilderness or on a Retreat. When they greet you (feel your energy), they will HUG you but be careful because they will use their breathing and their minds to recruit you.

Whatever they eat will be Organic and respectful of the environment.

At night if you look carefully, you can see a few of them floating over San Miguel, propelled by WHOLENESS.

One clue that a member of the Spiritual Gang is afoot and after you, is that they will be holding this book

*Special thanks to Jennifer Rose for the idea

From the fireworks it appears that San Miguel de Allende has been admitted to Heaven July 7, 2008

San Miguel de Allende applied September 22, 2006 to the UNESCO’s World Heritage to be designated as a World Heritage Site but it is still pending.

One of the mission statements of UNESCO’s World Heritage is to encourage participation of the local population in the preservation of their cultural and natural heritage.

The World Heritage has a scoring system by expert panelists on sites.

Guide to the Scores:

0-25: Catastrophic: all criteria very negative, outlook grim.

26-45: In serious trouble.

46-65: In moderate trouble: all criteria medium-negative or a mix of negatives and positives.

66-85: Minor difficulties.

86-95: Authentic, unspoiled, and likely to remain so.

96-100: Enhanced.

Most residents of San Miguel wants a score of 86-95

The problem, however, with Preservation is determining what is and what is not to be preserved. These are acceptable colors in San Miguel.

It is easy to set standards for buildings and monuments and physical characteristics but it becomes tricky when it comes to people. Some people simply are not worth preserving but once that determination is made how do you get rid of them. Enter the Gangs. One of the early mission statements of the Gangs of San Miguel was to maintain the preservation of the right kind of people in San Miguel - the artists, the rich, the eccentric, the collectors and the Democrats. Daily they search the Jardin on their mission to preserve and convince those found unsuitable to move. Tourists, found acceptable, are given a yearly renewable Return to San Miguel Card. Those who fail to meet the standard are given a list of other places in Mexico to live.

These Tourist were told that they would be happier in Ajijic and are preparing to go there. The Canadian Flag on the backpack was the reason they were found unsuitable.

So expats living in the rest of Mexico are rather bitter about their fall from grace and banishment from Eden. They do not speak kindly of San Miguel and have formed a single Gang called the I Wouldn’t Want to Live There Gang (there being SMA) whose sole purpose is to find fault with San Miguel.

This is not to imply that residents of San Miguel don’t feel a bit inferior. Three sites in Mexico have already been designated - Guanajuato with a score of 79 and Oaxaca and Monte Albán with a score 69 and Sian Ka’an and environs with a score of 58 but most Gang members dismiss them as too Mexican.

While in San Miguel, a lady from Bayfield, Ontario, kept telling me to look at THEIR feet. I didn’t because I thought she had a shoe fetish and didn’t want to start that conversation. Besides as a man,  the purpose of a shoe is to gets you from A to B. Little did I know until the comment on the Blog from Emily about the San Miguel Cocktail Combat Sandal.

A quick search of the internet led me to a source that confirms their existence and actually sells them. I then had to go back through my pictures and lo and behold there they were.

Further research revealed that The San Miguel Shoe was the creation of Santiago Gallardo Muniz, who created the shoes so that rich art patrons in San MIguel would not fall on the cobblestone streets and be unable to buy their daily art dose while they recovered. His wife Martha was behind his discovery.

These shoes identify you as someone from San Miguel and there even seems to be a cult founded by this woman who made this comment

When I wear mine it is not uncommon for women to stop me and ask me where I got them

When I found this quote then I knew why they wear them. I had forgotten about women and shoes. Shoes are the portal to the soul. They are recruitment tools. Look at my feet and you are mine. Women will do anything to wear comfortable shoes that look good - even join a gang.

Another clue was the word Combat - a gang term if I ever heard one.

In fact there are newer shoes that make fighting even easier.

Sometimes it goes wrong in San Miguel. While you might doubt if you could go too far in San Miguel, this gang is proof that it is possible. Early gang activity in San Miguel was benign: a simple tablecloth worn over the shoulder, dressing from head to toe in blue, getting a facelift, wearing a red hat or saving a dog. But some people are not content with understatement. They want to be seen. They want to make a difference. They want the full experience. Hence the Clown Gang.

They are in your face honking their horns. They are playing tricks on tourists (an easy target). They are sitting beside you in the Jardin giggling. They are spilling pozole beside you in a restaurant. They are buying up all the Atencions. Despite the name, they aren’t much fun because they demand your attention.

There is a movement afoot in town to drive them away like the grackles were driven from the Jardin but until it happens, the best advice is not to make eye contact or engage them.

But remember too much rouge doesn’t make you a clown. You might think that the person beside you is a clown but it might be a woman who simply doesn’t understand the rules of makeup.

The Nimby Gang (Not In My Back Yard) is one of the oldest gangs in San Miguel. This Gang wants to keep San Miguel as it was when they arrived. The most recently Gang Activity was protesting the opening of Starbucks in the Jardin

Here is an Letter to the Editor of the Atencion expressing the NIMBY point of view

Please keep the Jardin/Centro free of commercial business and familiar looking signage which distracts from the historic and Mexican flavor of our wonderful town. We fully support Joy Emery’s fine February 22nd letter to you indicating her disappointment in the announcement of a Starbuck’s Coffee House on the Jardin’s perimeter. Where is our historic police force, INAH, in this important decision? A better location would be near Gigante, Mega or the newly announced Wal-Mart Store. My experience with Starbuck’s in California and particular, San Francisco, is that their locations become a major pedestrian traffic jam and their customers use the facilities as a second office (cell phones, computers, etc.). Let’s not disrupt the existing businesses in the Centro with yet another major competitor. The next thing we know, Peet’s Coffee will want equal billing across the Jardin, to be followed up with a Chili’s, Burger King, Wendy’s, etc. Slow down the growth! We recognize the financial impact to San Miguel but not at the expense of its charm and reputation.

Change is a terrible thing but some people who move to San Miguel think it is going to stay just they way it was when they arrived. This is the way they want San Miguel to look

At the far end of the Gang Spectrum lies the Cheap Gang. For whatever reason this gang can neither afford to buy art nor take art classes. This gang is about the bargain. You know you are talking to a member of the Cheap Gang when they ask “What did you pay for that?” and then they tell you where they can buy it cheaper.

Another favorite topic of conversation is talking about places where you can eat for 25 cents or less.

HABITAT

It is difficult to find the habitat of members of the Cheap Gang. Being Cheap and Real Estate expensive, they will only rent. Below are two ads from Atención can you figure out which apartment would be rented by a member of the Cheap Gang.

Apartments

APTS. PLENTY OF WATER. Mo. USD$400. Completely furn. Utilities included. 21 color cable TV. No deposit. 3 blocks Jardín. No Phone. [9-May/6]

CHEAP APARTMENT. USD$15 a month. No furniture, no phone, no shower, no fridge, no doors. Bathroom and kitchen shared with fun Mexican family of 15. Great view of Jose’s backyard. Comes with lots of barking dogs and crowing roosters. [2-May/6]

CHEAP GANG CLOTHES

This Gang breaks all the clothing rules. Their calling is the Art of saving money. So the tag line to anything they wear is “I only paid 20 <lower the amount the better> pesos for this. Where do they find clothes that cheap — The Tuesday Market. Here they can buy there clothes for 10, 20 and 30 pesos. They have learned to be careful as some of the clothes are used and a few come with children.

.

Food

Most food by the Cheap Gang is bought at the Tuesday Market. Mega and Gigante are dirty words. Notice that the finger pointing indicates she can’t speak any Spanish.

PETS

Most members of the Cheap Gang don’t own dogs. They find it expensive to feed them so they like to own pets that they can eat when they are bored with them. Here is a very popular Tuesday Market Vendor holding the most popular Cheap Gang pet in San Miguel - the chicken.

Every Friday a little newspaper is published in San Miguel called Atencion.

It is sold on the street, at the Biblioteca and in various location in town. But look carefully at what is in it as it gives powerful clues to who really runs San Miguel and the Gangs. Gangs in San Miguel need direction. Left to their own devices they congregate in groups in the Jardin and chatter about Real Estate

But once the Atención is out then they know what to do for the next week. The purpose of the Atencion is to tell people what to do and where to go. Look carefully at the words under Que Pasa. Atencion runs the Matrix of San Miguel. This is not a conspiracy theory but the truth.

The week is laid out for gangs. Almost every minute of the day is planned by the Atención. Every evening has one or more “ARTY” events like a play, singsong or poetry reading. Without Atención there would be nothing to do in San MIguel. But wait there is even more. The last part of the paper is full of REAL ESTATE listings. Real Estate is the Holy Grail of all Gangs except those on Social Security.

The Navajo Indian Tribe believe that if you take a picture of them then you have taken their soul. They are not alone in this believe as evidence by this picture.

The Roman Soldier in this picture was part of the Juan de Dios Celebration in March. But look behind him and see a member of the Soul Capturer Gang. She believes she can capture someone’s soul with a picture. In the past she has taken the soul of a Sorcerer, a Clown, a Lady from the Red/Purple Hat Gang and Hillary Clinton. They are now part of who she is. And now she wants the soul of a Roman Soldier. Perhaps she wants his helmet or cute skirt or knee high socks.

Look in the Jardin, soon to see what part of his soul she took.

Gracias to Jenny Formanek for the picture.  Hillary was still a candidate at the time this picture was taken.

Tourist Warning

Be careful on Fridays when the Atención comes out. There is always a stampede in the Jardin to get the first copy so see what is planned for your day. By Friday morning all activities in San Miguel have run out. It is a dangerous time in the Jardin.

Below is a picture of the Clown Gang is rushing to get their copy. Some devilment will no doubt happen in the Jardin this day.

The first gangs in San Miguel developed this early, always classic look. It is a variation on pearls and the little black cocktail dress. The only colors are black and white and/or beige. You will see no household items on their back, front, hips or shoulders because they have never taken an art courses. They have no need to be CREATIVE because they are the Patrons of the Arts. They define what is ART in San Miguel. They never carry bags as they buy their ART at the openings and have it delivered to their CENTRO houses or HOUSE WITH VIEWS. Key words they use are Fabulous, Smart, Darling, Let’s do ……, New.

This Novice has been able to pass through the Eye of the Needle Test and this is her first day in the Jardin under the watchful eye of a Senior Gang Member. It is obvious from the picture what she needs to learn. It is almost a before and after picture.

The Classic Gang is the meanest gang in the Jardin and has the most rules. Here is the detailed dress code for this gang.

1. Smart beige, black or white hat with only a white or black band.
2. Combat Cocktail Sandals
3. Striped top, or solid white and/or black top
4. Capri pants (never touching the sandals)
5. Smart jewelry
6. Simple bag

Break the rules and expect retribution. The woman below came to the Jardin in Bicycling Pants, in a blouse that was too big, wearing runners and with no band on her hat. She was  banished from the Jardin tout de suite. She knows now that she will only be welcomed in the Campo.

This person is not in the Classic Gang. She has broken three rules of the Classic Gang can you spot them?

Here is another mistake? Can you spot it?

Pop quiz - is this a Classic Gang member? Yes or no and defend your answer?

This is a bit harder. Is she or isn’t she part of the Classic Gang?

Another tough test?

Some gangs have taken their colors and identity from the indigenous people of Mexico. The Shaman Gang uses power animals (dogs) to capture Love Slaves.  Sparky is leading his Shaman to a potential Love Slave.

The Shaman uses her power animal (Sparky) to hypnotize a single man into being her love slave

The origin of this Gang’s colors and theme came from a misunderstanding. Helen Patterson came to San Miguel in late October 1992 for a facelist or “mascaracuero” which means mask to hide an old lady in spanish

November 2 was the first day she felt well enough to venture forth from the Spa after her surgery. As she walked the streets she began to cry when she saw all the Day of the Dead pictures, carvings and objet d’arte. Self centered, speaking not a word of Spanish and knowing nothing about Mexican customs she thought that the town had put on this festival to cheer her up and to celebrate her new look. Immediately she bought a house in Centro and remodelled it with some of the proceeds of her divorce. As more and more facelifts were done in San Miguel Helen, still speaking no Spanish nor knowing anything about where she lived, recruited fellow macaracueras into her Gang. Each November 2 they parade in the streets of San Miguel showing all women they can look like the Day of the Dead if they want.

This is Helen waving from her Balcony, November 2, 2007.

She is not alone in the Jardin. For months she was the only Parasol on the block but the Gang is growing. At least three other women have picked up the Parasol, blocked the sun and are hoping for rain. They will taunt by yelling “No UV for me” and have been known to use the parasol as a weapon.

A fifth member has appeared. This gang is growing far faster than people imagine. There was even a paper parasol in the Jardin last week.

This gang can only be identified from the Parasol. Remove the Parasol and confusion reigns. This woman has a Classic Gang hat but a Rug Gang covering.

The discovery of this parasol by a contributor has the Jardin in a buzz.

Gangs are competitive in San Miguel. Members of the Rug Gang are always trying to outcarpet each other. The various Hat Gangs are always swamming the hat vendors in the Jardin for something “new”. Imagine the excitement of the Parasol Gang with this new Parasol. One member has even coined a new slogan “Here Comes the Shade”. So be prepared to lose the sun.

*Gracias to Suzanne Larosa for the multi parasol picture

Sitting in the Jardin with a canvas, easel and paints opens you to inspection and judgment.  But carrying a huge camera where the picture is locked inside gives you the appearance of an artist without the judgment.  Find a tripod and you have found this gang.  These photographers are posed in front of the San Juan de Dios procession on March 9 oblivious to feelings of the people attending the event. The first picture is courtesy of Marjorie Maynes of Des Moines. She took it as part of her composition course in Photography.

This group of photographers had some fun with the procession route.  They stood right in front of the procession, only moving at the last moment.  Jesus looked really nervous.

Once that fun was over they moved to the Jardin to further intrude into people’s lives.

Finally they left the Jardin to find more “local” pictures to take.

Photographers lurk everywhere looking for that “Special Photo”.

Diane Arbus.. despair.

These photographers seem unable to understand how the taking of their “interesting” little pictures shows a complete disregard for the feelings and integrity of the photographed.

This was a happy day in the Jardin when the leader of the Picnic Tablecloth Gang was expelled by Police Officer from the Jardin. But with so many ways to enter the Jardin we know she will be back. The Picnic Tablecloth gang broke away from the Tablecloth Gang because they only like to eat out door. Ten Ten Pie is a favorite hangout for them and there was quite a disturbance last month when a French family tried to eat lunch on a seated gang member.

The Colors of San Miguel are the inspiration for this group. With all the competition between gang members to catch a man, they have taken the competition one step further. They choose garb in the colors of the buildings in San Miguel and blend into the building. If you very look closely at this picture you can see a gang member in a burnt umber/orange color lying in wait for a man. If you can’t see her look for the newspaper she is reading. The man in the picture has no idea of what is about to befall him and the woman walking by will offer no assistance.

To further demonstrate the point see what happens when someone doesn’t get the Chameleon Concept. This picture was taken from the Chameleon Gang Manual about What Not To Do. The purple member doesn’t understand color blending and will come home to her pied a terre without a Love Slave.

The underlying theme to San Miguel is ART. When you come to San Miguel you either make or buy ART. But not everyone has the talent, eye or wallet to make or buy ART. These poor souls were lost in San Miguel until the Doing Good Works Gang was formed. It took a long time to get this gang off the ground. The first step was finding a CAUSE. It had to be FUN, not involve a lot of time, leave members free for bridge games, not involve getting dirty, not cost a lot of money and provide a place to meet other ex pats. That is why the SPA was such an early hit for a CAUSE. But first they had to get rid of the all the ugly dogs with a city cull. Another easy one was the Library. The worst downside was dust on the books.

The next step is RECRUITMENT. They call gang members VOLUNTEERS and set up fairs to recruit them. They even put out lists showing Gang Members how they can help. The easier the CAUSE the more volunteers.

The next Step is RAISING MONEY. Early in the morning they invade the Jardin and set up tables staffed by VOLUNTEERS who coerce other gangs and TOURISTS to support thei CAUSE. Here are some VOLUNTEERS

They use guilt to extract money from tourists. If you are a tourist reading this, then remember to always say you are going home tomorrow so you will never be there for any of their events.

This day, three gangs had set up tables to help the Disabled (Cause #13), the Environment (Cause #23) and the politically unaware Mexicans (Cause #56). It was interesting as the local chanter in the Jardin tried to drive them from the Jardin by attacking their large sign and poster on one of his rounds of the Jardin. But it had no effect as they all knew they were doing such good work.

The last step is PUBLICITY. What is the point of doing good works if no one know about it. Never give anyone your email address as it will be flooded with stories of their good works. Whenever anyone tells you about their GOOD WORKS be impressed.

There are few men in San Miguel. Most men have been captured and are Love Slaves for female gangs or are gay and beyond control by women.

Free men in San Miguel have formed Four Gang groups based on

1. What you carry – the Briefcase and Backpack Gangs
2. What you wear on your head – the Panana Hat and Baseball Cap Gangs
3. What kind of jacket you wear – the Jean Jacket Gang
4. What you do with your hair or facial hair – the Pony Tail Gang, The Beard Gang, the Moustache Gang, the Goatee Gang

They travel in packs inside the Jardin to protect each other

Some men are members of several gangs at once

There is a surprising trend in Male gangs. The Mini Male Gangs or Psuedo Female Gang.

Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus winter in San Miguel.

Mrs. Claus pictured here likes to eat and take art classes.

Mr. Claus (Santa to the children, Gary to his friends) just likes to be in the Jardin and talk.

This gang is unlike other gangs because of all the good works they do. Santa is involved in almost all the  GOOD WORKS in San Miguel and Mrs. Claus (Tiny to her friends) loves to paint and give them to anyone who will take them. Here is her last and hopefully last painting.

Canadian gangs don’t like to be confused with Americans but they are ever so subtle. Can you spot what makes this man part of a Canadian Gang?

Guess which man is part of the Back Lot Gang?

This is a multi level Gang. Most members takes the cowboy theme from Texas and apply it with a San Miguel Twist. Hat, boots and a girly skirt. A lasso is used to get a Love Slave.

Health concerns are a major topic of conversation in San Miguel so imagine the excitement caused on a Parque bench when this Cowgirl/Doctor appeared and was willing to do free examinations. A few “Hmms” and she gave them prepared cards with her name and address on it and asked the come for a more thorough examination. Clever way to get love slaves.

I know in the US that the Lions have their Lionettes and the Kinsmen the Kinettes and the Rotarians the Rotary Anns but I never expected Gangs in San Miguel to create MGM’s (mini gangs for males). Finally sensitive males in San Miguel can support their women in their careers as Gang members. Here we have a male who is in the MGM for the Rug Gang and another MGM for the Classic Gang. Today there are snickers in the Jardin but tomorrow there will be whispers.

Every sidewalk in San Miguel has these “Eye of the Needle” initiation poles. Perhaps you have walked through one or looked at one and decided it might be too narrow so you stepped around it. But you were being watched and your decision recorded.

The Classic Gang will let no one join if they did not walk through the Eye of the Needle. Anyone who sidesteps the Eye of the Needle has made that split second decision that they are TOO BIG to pass through. No further discussion is needed about TOO BIG. You are relegated to the lower level rung Rug and Tablecloth gangs where you will be able to find something to fit.

Street Gangs in North America identify themselves by picking their Color(s).  In San Miguel one gang has taken this to a new level by picking only one Color. Members are free to pick any single Color that speaks to their inner voice. Once they have that Color then they dress from head to toe in that one Color.

Some of the more successful members of this gang go on to join the Chameleon Gang.   Here they can put their color co-ordination to use and enslave a man.

Not content to just color themselves up, many paint their VW’s to match their Color.

If you see a pink VW then you can be assured that a vision clad in pink will emerge.  Why the VW?  No one knows.  The Mary Kay Car is missing a member. Well Mary Kay is missing more than a just a member.

As members immerse themselves in their color, the world begins to change.  This is the view of the Jardin from a member of the Blue Gang

It is hard to distinguish between straight and gay gangs as many a gang mama has found to her chagrin. She finds that none of her traditional wiles such as a power animals, promising clean underwear, or using a manlift will result in a love slave. So here is a quick primer on how to identify potential love slaves.

It’s all in the hats. One gang is gay one is straight. If you can’t tell which is which then don’t ask Liza Minelli or her mother as they couldn’t tell either.

Taking art courses at the Instituto Allende has encouraged many gang members to individuate. Noviates in the Tablecloth gang start with the single tablecloth worn over the shoulders. They are only allowed into the Jardin in the very early morning. As they meet their tasks set by the High Priestess of Damask and her Napkins as they are called, they can move to higher orders and more wear more tablecloths. This is a picture of a single color, double tablecloth member.

To see what is under that tablecloth, go here

After a nasty rumble in the Jardin, a gang member was derugged and left to howl in the Jardin.

I had barely passed 24 hours in San Miguel before I began to feel a sort of discomfort. A sense of being ‘ill at ease’……..’out of place’. It was certainly not because I am unused to travel, lord knows I’ve spent many years responding to my wanderlust. What was it about this place that was different (and not in a good way)and that made me wrinkle up my nose and scratch my head every time I approached the Jardin? Unable to get comfortable, I took to wandering in any direction that would lead me away from this dreaded locale. Eventually, after several weeks, I realized what was happening. I was tired of all the expats staring at me! Probably wondering what I was doing in their shangri-la. When my anticipated volunteer project did not pan out, I was truly out of sorts. Granted, I did meet a few folks with whom I enjoyed spending time. Thank god! I left SM loving the town and still puzzled as to why the expat gangs have so taken hold in this town. Is is just because it’s cheap and the weather is good? OKAY. I guess I can accept that. But in much the same way that I do not understand ‘joiners’ in general, I do not get the need for the gangs. Then again, I don’t get the whole expat thing anyway, or at least not on any level that makes sense to me. This lovely town is great to visit, at least once. Maybe even more often if one finds ways to connect to the indigenous population and is able to escape ‘gang’ membership.

Laura Nurse

After being denied entry into one male organization after another from early childhood this San Miguel gang has reinvented itself as a False Boy Club. They deliberately dress like men. Other gangs adapt certain items of male attire.

But men have also formed their own branch of this club

The Gypsy Gang is clever and every bit as dangerous as real gypsies. Often they hide begin larger members of various gangs and steal your english newspaper. A twirl of their diaphanous skirts and a small dog can disappear. Be aware at all times of this gang.

What can you say about this gang that the picture doesn’t tell you? They might be a Mexican gang and not American as they were speaking Spanish but don’t be fooled if the gang speaks Spanish. Many gang members take Spanish lessons so they can order pastels and tapetes.

Hats are the easiest way to identify a gang. The first gang in San Miguel was the Classic Gang. They pure would never adorn their hats with anything but a simple black or white band. But it was hard to join this gang. You had to be rich, thin, have taste and own art. The later poorer and fatter arrivals with bad taste and a penchant for taking art classes couldn’t get in so they formed their own Hat Gangs.

The Flower Hat gang is mostly British and take their themes from past remembered wallpaper and bedspreads.

This is the Mixed Hat Gang who have captured a widower.

This gang originated in the United States. That gang colors can also be purple. They are not dangerous and mostly walk in the Jardin or sit quietly reading palms. They are not part of the Classic Gang. They drive Red VWs

There are lots of variations on dress style. The only unifying theme is the RED HAT

This Red Hatter has taken a cowboy Theme.

This gang believes you can never wear enough colors at the same time. They are one of the most competitive gangs in San Miguel trying to out do each other in clashing colors. But be very careful if you like to wear only white and/or black or the dreaded beige. They will surround you and yell very nasty things at you. Be prepared to be called a ‘onecolored’ tourist and be splashed with phosphorescent colors.

This is one of the sadder gangs in San Miguel. She is the only member. She walks the Jardin every day enticing people with little turns of the parasol but can’t get anyone else to join. So this is a safe gang and not to be feared.

This gang broke off from the larger floor and wall covering gang. They only wear small brightly coloured area rugs. They carry small portable vacuums to keep clean and scoop lose change out of tourist purses.

This gang is recognized by the fact they wear more than three skirts of different lengths at the same time. Be careful as they are known to whip long skirts off tourists and wrap them around themselves and taunt the deskirted tourist. They usually travel in packs and note the ballet slippers for fast get aways

My mother needed a round table but wouldn’t spend the money to buy a proper wooden table so she bought a cardboard table and covered it with a lovely round tablecloth. Several years ago during a move the tablecloth disappeared. You can imagine my shock when I saw it in the Jardin as part of the attire of the Multi Skirt Gang

As you start to look for the Gangs of San Miguel your eye will go towards groups who are dressed alike. But be careful not all those who dress alike are in a gang. Here are two examples of people who dress a like but are not in gangs.

This is also not a gang