The other day my friend, who is real cultured, asked me if I wanted to go to a music concert. I asked about the music and he said the Cannons of TacoBell and Vivaldi and Bach and some Water Thing. He made me realize how much I had been limiting my cultural experiences. The concert was at the Angela Peralta Theatre and I had never been there.
He got tickets for the real nice seats but then told me there were no seat numbers. It was first come, first serve so I wanted to get there and get good seats. When we got to the seats there was a program.
The first words I saw were Pro Musica. I sighed. Oh no, here we go with some Pro Choice or Pro Life Event. But then I thought what would the other side be Pro Silence?
Then some guy with a pony tail stood up and told us it was a Broke Concert and that the tickets didn’t cover the cost of the evening and that we should consider joining his Pro Musica Movement. I looked around and saw all the empty seats. Why wasn’t it packed? Dread started to fill me. There had to be a reason no one was there. The seats were subsidized so therefore CHEAP. Oh Oh. Cheap seats. No-one there. Danger Will Robinson.,
So what I thought, I was expanding my artist world. Then I found an insert in the program. Suddenly I felt stupid when I saw it Baroque not Broke. It had to be a type of music like Flamenco or Tango. Good dancers.
I was ready. I had brought matches and a candle so I could participate.
Then the Orquestra came on stage. It was seven people, two women and five guys. They must have just come from work because they had their work clothes on. I was expecting a costume or the very least that they would all be dressed in black. There were some violins, a miniature piano and three different sized guitars. One of guitar was so big the lady had to rest it on the floor.
This picture doesn’t show the mini piano and I never saw that rectangular like box that guy is holding.
They then started practicing by making all sorts of noises and looking at each other. I thought they would have practiced before the concert. Now I knew why the seats were subsidized.
The first song was by Tony Vivaldi. No one sang. They just played. Oh it an instrumental group I thought. I started to get bored. It wasn’t like Cirque du Soleil. There weren’t any acrobats or people on stilts just them playing their instruments. I wanted to look at the program to see what was next but it was all dark.
They stopped for a minute and the audience started clapping. Strange world because some guy with Tourettes, sitting behind me, keep yelling brraaavvvvoooo and other strange sounds. This concert seemed to attract a lot of people with Tourettes. The clapping I understood because people in San Miguel clap for everything.
I thought it was over until some guy with an oboe came out. Before he started, they practiced a bit more and a two guys dropped their music. I couldn’t figure out why they had to drop the music but it was my first time listening to Classical Music and it is a different world. I hid my candles.
So before my eyes they had gone from a septet to an octet. He started and played until the clapping and the Tourette calls started.
The oboe player left and then two guys with Christmas horns came out. Now it was an ennead. They practiced a bit more and looked at each other. They finished and someone pulled the side curtains back. It’s over I thought.
Nope. My friend said it was Intermission. They were adding this to just drag out the program. We went outside and some lady said to us that the music was a bomb to her. I thought – I am not alone until I realized she meant balm. Then they started using words like movement, concerto, high register, interplay of strings. I glazed over and pretended I was dead.
After Intermission it started again. This time the mini piano player had a kazoo like instrument but kept spoiling the music with bird calls and whistles two cardinals, a sparrow and a robin I believe.
I had looked at the program and knew that the Cannons of TacoBell were next. They had mispelled it and called it Pachebel’s Canon. When they started I realized my mistake. No Tacos, no bells no cannons just plucking and practicing and dropping music.
My biggest disappointment other than the music was the Ushers. I asked one for a hot dog and she looked at me like I was an idiot. So I asked for popcorn. Silence. Aw she was Pro Silence. I knew at that moment I wasn’t Pro Musica but Pro Silence.
Onto the next experience. No Baroque for me